Big bird’s adventures

Last Sunday. Early in the morning, Suvarnabhumi Airport, Bangkok. Very sleepy. Take off. All goes well. I fall asleep and hope to not wake up before my big bird has landed. Then a loud voice brutally disturbs my dream:

“We are approaching Kuala Lumpur airport, please fasten your seatbelt…”

“No, ladies and gentlemen I am just kidding. I know you are all experienced travelers so it is okay to  joke. I would like to play a game with you guys!  Who of you can tell me the age of this lovely flight attendant here? Any volunteers? The one that gives me the right answer will win a tv!”

Noisy songs blast out of the speakers now. Two girls stand up to guess the age of the flight attendant. They have to do a catwalk pose.  The girls guess wrong and get some Air Asia pencils for their efforts.

I  hope all of this will be over soon. Fantasize about writing spitting like a lama when I walk out of the plane, or hurrying to their desk to tell them this is the most ridiculous thing that ever happened to me. Being the grumpy and angry consumer. Tell them I will never book a flight with them again.

Then a new round starts.

“Ladies and Gentleman, this time I am looking for three volunteers. As you have seen in our demonstration flight safety is one of the most important things of being on a plane. I would actually like to do a test with you: how much of my instructions do you still remember? Please, three volunteers here”.

I try to make eye contact with mr. Game-master and give him my filthiest look. Not that it has any effect.

Another loud song is played and the three volunteers stand up. Put on oxygen masks, show the emergency exits. I try to close my eyes again and hope to catch up on my dream.

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